Ashley Beach-Author and Storyteller

Her reflection stared back at her in the empty pane and her attention was drawn to the patch of silvery scales on her neck. She touched the scaly spot with her hand and imagined what she would look like if she didn’t have them.

“Imagining them away won’t make them go away.”

Erianna jumped at the man’s voice behind her. “Of course not. If it did, they would have disappeared a long time ago.”

“You don’t like them?” he asked as he watched her reflection in the clear pane.

Erianna barely lifted her eyes, trying not to meet his gaze as she continued to look at the patchy skin. “They’ve deepened their hold in my life over the years and I don’t care for the impression they leave on my skin.”

“And why is that?”

“They tell the world what kind of monster I am on the inside.”

A monster. That’s how Erianna viewed herself. Her curse that changed her into a monstrous form every full cycle of the moon had been the side effects of a warning to her mother whose icy heart prevented her from seeing the beauty of her own daughter. When the monstrous form started to take shape in Erianna, her mother saw it as a threat and a danger to the realm and to her other daughter. But, the truth of the matter, the queen’s heart had been pricked by the arrow of vanity and she could see nothing beautiful but what she saw in her own reflection. This guided her decision to banish her daughter from the realm, not her fear for her other daughter’s safety.

Erianna had found safety in the underground hovel of the hobgoblin, Archimedes, but couldn’t stay there forever. The monster within her that so often took over her entire being had been the cause of her banishment. Her abandonment. Her isolation. She had no reason to believe she was beautiful. That she was lovable. That she was worthy to be a part of the kingdom and family that had rejected her. She had been left to struggle and fight to survive on her own and no one had ever made an effort to tell her or show her otherwise.

Have you ever felt like a monster? Has there ever been a part of you that felt abandoned or unlovable or unworthy? I have dealt with various health issues throughout my life and there were times when the different things going on in my health would make me feel like a double-sided coin. Different things would flare up and make me irritable or angry or frustrated and upset. I would feel like a completely different person and it wasn’t always something I could control or prevent. The monster and the girl. Which one was truly me?

I have felt like a monster in other ways in my life as well. Different sins I’ve struggled with or thoughts that make you feel divided in your mind. Things we struggle with and keep secret can gnaw at us and eat away at us until we can’t deal with those things anymore. We try to keep the two different lives separate, but the secret sins of our lives will always come out, one way or another. But you can feel like two completely different people at times when you are struggling with these things. You may feel like the good Christian person people see on the outside who goes to church and sings the songs and even serves in different capacities, and when you are at home alone in your room or outside of the Sunday services, your inner demons come out and you are transformed into the monster you’ve tried so hard to keep hidden again. Sinful thoughts plague your mind. You go places you would never go if anyone you knew were watching. Some feel remorseful about this double life, others go in full hog without batting an eye.

Being or feeling like a monster can take different forms in everyone. Maybe, some of the lucky ones have never had to deal with this back and forth pull, but I believe everyone has a monster in their life in one shape or another, just not everyone chooses to see that monster or cares to deal with it. Sometimes we have the monster within us that we deal with, and other times, someone else is the monster we are trying to escape. I’ve had both forms of monsters in my life and it is hard to push past those things that other people’s words have said we are or the things we ourselves have come to believe about ourselves. Like Erianna, most of us have had a lifetime of lies spoken to us or implied to us through different people’s actions or inaction and share one of Erianna’s greatest struggles — seeing the beauty within herself. Satan tries his hardest to steal our beauty from us and from our world by filling our minds with lies and doubts, but Christ is working just as hard to restore that beauty to us. A beauty that was never lost, just forgotten for a while. Take a look at how the Mage’s Son views Erianna.

The Mage’s Son stepped behind her and put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her in the pane of glass. “What do you see when you look at yourself?”

“I don’t like to look at myself,” Erianna said as she cast her eyes to the marbled ground beneath her.

The Mage’s Son reached a hand around her and gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look at herself. “I didn’t ask if you enjoyed looking at yourself. I asked you to tell me what you see when you look at yourself. Just look into the pane and tell me what you see.”

Erianna raised her eyes to the pane and took in a deep breath as she looked at the reflection staring back at her. “I see a girl who has been hurt time and time again in her life, marring the scars that might have been there.”

“Is that all you see?” he gently prodded.

Erianna continued to stare at her reflections as she replied, “I see someone who was so ugly and out of control and dangerous that her mother felt she had to banish her to keep her other daughter safe. I see someone who has been afraid to face the world because she’s afraid of what they would say or do if they ever knew what I truly am or what I’ve done. I see someone who never had a fair chance at love because nothing can change it or make it go away before the sun rises tomorrow. I see a monster.” Erianna choked out the last word as a tear fell from her eye.

“You are not a monster, Erianna. You never were and never will be,” the Mage’s Son said as he stared back at her reflection.

“Do you know what I see?” he asked. “I see a strong, radiant woman who has fought many battles and survived. I see a diamond that fought tomake it out of the dust of the earth and brilliantly reflects the light that shines around it. I see beauty that cannot be compared to anything in this world because of what I see when I look at you is you. Erianna. Princess of the winter realm. Born to rule with grace and kindness and reflects the beauty of those around her.”

There is a quite a difference between how the Mage’s Son sees Erianna and how she sees herself. This is exactly how Christ sees us. He sees each and every person as beautiful, unique, one-of-a-kind. Like a snowflake, every person was carefully designed and created by the Master Creator, God, and every person has their own beauty within them that He created for the world to see. Whatever lies you have been told throughout your life or what things have happened to you, know this. You are a beautiful masterpiece, specially designed with a purpose.